Clint, I'm going to be honest with you.  I'm not feeling it.

As a life-long fan of the National League, I'm kind of sick of losing these All-Star games.  I don't think I need to tell you that it's been quite awhile since we've won one of these things.  We've lost 11 games in a row!  ELEVEN!  Yeah, I counted the "tie" as a loss - we didn't win, did we?

After such a prodigious stretch of futility, I was kind of hoping you'd come out with the gloves off.  Maybe some smack talk.  Perhaps some psychological warfare.  Heck, you didn't even put Joe Torre on your coaching list.  What's up with that?  You think Joe Girardi (who will be at the game as a coach) wants to pose for that picture?  I think not.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to answer those questions all weekend either.  I would love to be next to him when they introduced Torre at the game.  But, alas, it's not gonna happen.  You could have at least named Mattingly to be the batting coach or honorary captain.

Anyhow, back to winning this thing. Remember, "This Time It Counts". It might not probably won't mean anything to you this year, but it will for someone!  Wouldn't life have been much better last fall to get whooped at home the first two games instead of the last two?  Tony LaRussa should have hooked you up, but now you've gotta hook someone else up.

Clint, if this story is even remotely true, then you're a fun-loving dude.  Imagine how much fun it would be dump some more champagne, this time after taking out the AL!  Pull out all the stops.  Get nasty.  Send Madonna to the Yankee locker room.  Suggest in your press conference that the Designated Hitter is for weaker teams.  Do whatever it takes - just get the win.

If you can't think of anything else, I'll offer up my services.  I've only even been to one All-Star game.  It was in 1996.  You remember - the last time we won one of these things.  Back when Bill Clinton was running for re-election and Ozzie Smith was still playing.  I must be good luck.  I'm totally willing to come up to New York and do what I can to help the cause.  I'm a good soldier, I'll take one for the team - I'll even find a way to get up there.

So when you sit down with Bud Black (ugh) and Sweet Lou, remember your ace in the hole.  Instead of giving those two extra tickets to the guy who cuts your hair, send them this way.  I'm a proven winner (100% winning percentage!) with a purpose.  Let's beat the AL.